Roasting the Beef! Pornstar Review #2: Velicity Von

Tape Me On Your Video Phone

Mannn. First things first. I love the music track to this song, the beginning is really good and I'm a big music person. That being said, the video is not so hot. I mean come on, B! You have millions upon millions of dollars and you can't get a decent storyline or theme for this video? I would have atleast put some kinda digital overlay so it seemed more digitized and videophonish. And I don't mean that spazzy skipping techno thing going on where it looks like an epileptic shock waiting to happen.



I will give Beyonce her credit. Even though I find her voice to be really hard, she is an excellent performer and always looks good in her videos. She looks really pretty in this video, though as a makeup artist, I know that has a lot to do with it. Look at that cat eye. I love me a good cat eye *points to profile pic*. At least she isn't giving that dazed and dumb look on video than she ALWAYS does in pictures and in person.



Gaga, I love. I was surprised to see her face with minimal makeup. Its an interesting look. It was cute watchin' her keep up with B in those dance moves. My sister pointed out how smaller and less curvy Gags was and I had to laugh. It was true but she did a good job over all. Overall they work well together. I wonder how the Telephone video will look with both of them. Hopefully like this.

Sexy Sunday IX

This is an ad for a top selling vacuum cleaner.
Sex sells. I'd buy that shit.

Bang, Boot, or Marry Vol. III

My Choices:

Bang: Drake
Boot: Chris
Marry: Trey

Okay hmmm. I'd marry Trey cuz I met him once and was really nice, even tho he's a lil short for my tastes. I have never really thought Chris or Drake were cute at all, but if push comes to shove, I'd bang Drizzy. I mean atleast he's got a good flow. Maybe the studio isn't the only place he has rhythm ;). And Chris is so lame, even before all this RiRi drama so he's booted right out the door!

What are your choices and reasons why?

The Spank Bank

The mind is a wonderful thing. It can hold a bevy of information without even using half of its potential. I mean I remember all the words to all the songs I loved in sixth grade. And my same mind has its little section set aside for when I'm bored and need to stimulate my damn self. I.E. the spank bank.

Now your spank bank is either filled with images of people in sexually intriguing scenarios, or the person themselves is worthy of flicking the bean or wanking.
I mean I'm not just talking 'bout regular fine. I'm talking 'bout
"Man you so fine you just made my EGG drop, lets go knock the boots NOW" fine.

Lemme just explain something to all of y'all. Everyone has a spank bank. From the freakiest freak in the club or that nun in the habit. Don't be fooled. Some may be a little more, how should I say...detailed and mature. But if you're crushing on so-n-so and they're running across your mind. Congratulations, they're in your spank bank.

Now my taste in men is diverse as hell and, accordingly, so is my spank bank. Don't judge me. I'm not judging you over there with the foot fetish or you who wants to sex up midgets. Personally, my spank bank has a sub-section. Dudes who are such good specimens that they are not only good for "me time", but are perfect for breeding. I would totally let that spank in my bank for the sake of my future children.

Here's a few images below that I've tucked away in my virtual spank bank. Don't worry, gentleman. I've put some stuff in here for you too.