Wax Your Kooka, Bitch!

When it comes to grooming, there are few things I hate more than bush. I know it's all anti-feminist and shit and against the whole I Am Every Woman, Hear Me Roar. That's good for you, but I don't wanna hear the roar through your epic mane of pubic hair. I know some guys don't care, I know some do. Quite frankly if they're at the point where they're privy just to see your bush or lack they're of, they're happy campers. But for me, I give a damn about my presentation okay?

I love bikini waxing.It just feels better. There is nothing like walking out of the spa with a fresh wax. You can feel everything, it's like a walking orgasm. If you don't feel like the sexiest thing strolling out of there, something is wrong with you. You feel sexier. You do. Just knowing you got your shit together under your skivvies makes you want to show the world. You can wear the skimpiest panties flawlessly. It just looks good. Plus it eliminates the threat of pubic floss. It isn't fun. It just isn't. Half of you are messing around with little boys who are just looking for every excuse not to eat the cat. Why give those bitches a reason not to? But those boys are silly and should be dismissed. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. The boys better be shaved, waxed, or trimmed if you want me to be a happy campter. It's only polite to show you the same courtesy. Plus just look at these panties. You owe it to yourself and your kooka.

You want this to be you. Not the fact your one night mouth fuck has a girlfriend. But you want your nana to be easy access for whatever should so happen, whether it's a light fondling or some tonguing. I myself am partial to the Brazilian. Take it all baby. And my god, do they get it all. They'll have you in positions you could have sworn you and your bae tried last week, "Put my leg where? I think this is the wheelbarrow, ma'am."

Fellas, don't think you're off the hook. Like I said, it will be a cold day in hell before I even attempt fellash if you're rolling like Chewbacca. Take a look at this man right here. Look at that shit. What a gentleman. This is a photo of a guy who get's laid often. He is about his shit.

Obviously, we can't always shell out the duckets for steady waxing appointments and sometimes waxing isn't for everyone. Whatever the reason, there is no excuse not to keep your pubes in shape, I need for you to make nice with the Schick Quattro Trim Style. It is quick, you can do it at home in the shower, and you can get really low and close to the skin. A freshly trimmed snatch is always pleasant and a great default between waxing. Try a low cut Ceaser and keep it moving till your next appointment. Then you can vajazzle that shit till the sun comes home.

Play On Playa, But You Ain't Playin Me

Last night i had a dream I was dating Steven Straight. But he was Steven playing the role of Warren Peace from Sky High. I was about to leave for vacation and I went to go see him at the local Sonic. I brought him a going away present, said I'd miss him, and asked if he missed me. He said, "Nah, you know I'mma player babe." I said ok took my shit, hopped out the car and left.

I woke up shocked as hell, because not only has that not happened to me, it NEVER WOULD happen to me. I don't go see men and I do not give them presents. But more importantly, I have never been into or hung up on a man who wasn't into me. Ever, I'm just not hardwired that way, baby. I will never hound a man, call his ass up all the time. If I'm slightly interested and you're not, I forget you and move a long.

Ladies. Come on now. There are few things I can't stand more that seeing a Desperate Debbie. I'm not gonna get into the whole "you're worth better, be classy" shit. Cause some of you aren't. But you can at least ACT like you are. Chivalry ain't dead, but many women worthy of it are. I mean DAMN, don't you ever let me see you bringing a nigga anything. Don't be throwin' your pussy into any guys face, either. Especially one that isn't into you. That's what gets me, I don't get that shit at all. You don't even like me and you think we're gonna BONE. Get the fuck outta here.

You give a man the chance to fuck, he will always fuck. 10 times out of 10. 100% of the time. Every day. Anywhere. He will fuck whatever lets him fuck. You're interchangeable, honey. He doesn't care who you are. So long as you let him smash.

I know I know, you really like that dude, you think fuckin is gonna get you somewhere. Nope. The rules of dating are as follows. One must not like the other party more than the other party likes them. Each party must move with synchronization.

You have to slowly match each other till you reach the middle and then once you're both head over heels for each other, its all good. If you don't, this is what happens.

Girls, you'll be all hung up and sprung and be trying to do everything but wipe this dudes ass for a little attention. But to the guy you're only good for three things. Sex. Food. Place to Stay. You're already giving him everything he wants. Why should he take the time and get to know you? And once you're there, the harder it'll be for them to ever look at you different. Once a pushover always a pushover.

Dudes, don't think I'm not talking to you too. They always say nice guys finish last because nice guys don't make moves. The fact is no one likes someone all over them from jump. You give off that crazy stalker vibe.

Men, girls will use you for your money and use you to make the men they're really interested in jealous. Girls are players too. Keep that in mind. Here are some closing words from out guest editor, Erica.

There's one thing that has always amazed me about men. I've always understood the player type: you can usually spot them easily and they've pretty much been upfront about their intentions ...but... the one's that don't THINK they're a player but do the SAME shit, that's who I have the real problems with. Men try to play dumb. They play like they don't know that they're doing stupid shit, or that they just didn't realize what was going on. They knew. Men lie. They may not be very good at it, but they do. What amazes me is that they really try to play stupid. I'm like, "HELLO?! *waves frantically* I KNOW you know what you just did was retarded? You didn't catch that yourself? C'mon son. Really?"

Sirs, remember basic shit: (1) break up with her if you don't like her (2) if you're just trying to keep your dick wet, say so... most of us [women] will/would respect you for being honest (3) don't try to be something you're not [specifically if you're a good guy, don't go trying to be a playa because you think it's the new hotness and it's what cool kids do... well it's not, so we off that.]

So... if you do player shit and you think you're a good guy, no. Stop trying to be a gazelle when you're a tiger. That is all folks. Carry on.

Over and Out