Monday, September 28, 2009

Gossip Girl Makes a Bid on Love

I'm a super retarded fan of gossip girl. As I prolly say everytime i mention it (sue me!) I was an avid book reader before the show even started. And I usually am all GRRR when that happens especially when they change important stuff, but I really REALLY love the show too. Hurrayy!!! And one day I stumbled upon this great site. and they have such a funny commentary thing going on after each episode. The thing is, its hard to sort through all that other crap they post about, sometimes its okay, othertimes im just like "GIMME THE GOSSIP GIRL!!!" Which is why I will be bringing it to you, clear with no interruptions and other nonsense. I'll make a label or link or what not so you can find them easy and I'll highlight my favorite parts. I'll be reposting their recap every week after each episode so please do check out their website to look at past versions of their recap. And without further ado...

Gossip Girl Makes a Bid on Love

With everything they’ve been through — the lies, the scheming, the boyfriends who turned out to be Ponzi-schemers, the girlfriends who turned out to be stepsisters, the children they never knew existed — it’s not surprising that our friends on Gossip Girl have developed what would commonly be called “trust issues.” Except, in their case, they’re actually right. The Gossip Girl world is one of sidelong glances, elaborate lies, and outlandish plots. If someone awkwardly stutters a sentence or tries to get off the phone quickly, it means something.

In last night’s episode, square-jawed, shifty-eyed Scott’s flubbed lie about a college-seminar causes Vanessa to question his entire identity, and, of course, she turns out to be right because he is not who he said he is. He is, in fact, Lily and Rufus’s son, which he then lies about later. Meanwhile, Serena doesn’t trust Carter Baizen, in part because of ... WHAT HAPPENED IN SANTORINI.

Chuck and Blair pretend not to trust each other, but only because they think it’s hot. And, of course, no one trusts Georgina. Except maybe Rufus, who, human labradoodle that he is, trusts everyone. Or maybe it's just the Botox?

Anyway, with all this subterfuge going on, it’s hard to keep track of who’s real and who’s fake. But we can at least track the details in our patented Reality Index.

Realer Than Cutout Butterflies Taped to a Dorm-Room Wall:
Of course Georgina and Dan would put a sock on the doorknob to indicate they were hooking up — college students just inherently know to do this, as children all over America in the eighties inherently knew that you had to blow into a Nintendo cartridge to get it working again. Plus 3, with an additional plus 3 for Blair having no idea what this tradition meant. Oh, and plus 1 for her putting her glove on to take the sock off. And plus 1 for “EW! EW! I’m even wearing a glove and I still want to wash my hand.”
• Yes. Everyone would have awkwardly overdecorated their dorm-room doors in the first week. Especially Vanessa, who has only ever been schooled by wolverines. Plus 3.
• Serena and Vanessa in unison, to Dan, on whom he was hooking up with: “Please tell me it was Blair/Georgina and not Georgina/Blair” Plus 1. (Do you think Penn Badgley, who spent a year training to bulk up, made them promise to let him go shirtless in the first three episodes?)
• Someone should invent an iPhone app that allows you to speak like Chuck Bass. Like that “I Am T-Pain” app. No points. We’re just saying that would be cool. Even.
Plus 3 for Blair remembering exactly how many days it's been since she had sex with Chuck.
• We were weirdly happy to see Eric and Jenny appear. It was like a breath of fresh air. Or at least a peroxide rinse. And plus 2 for the line “Wow, ’72 David Bowie is a dead ringer for Shakira.” Because kind of, yeah. (Though Bowie's hips do lie.)
• Does Dan own only plaid shirts? Probably. Plus 3. And an additional plus 3 for Scottonly s terrible, terrible, continuing wardrobe errors that are a faint echo of Dan and Rufus’s style.
• Serena to Dan: “If you want to date Georgina, then more power to you. I would just check to see there’s not an ice pick under the bed.” Plus 1, because with her ditz slur, the first time we heard it, we thought she said “do” her, which maybe she did on purpose.
• Good for Blair and Chuck for picking a believably snobby/slutty, hip/old, nice/gross bar like Brandy Library for Carter’s alleged assignations.
• “My last boyfriend told me his dad invented the battery.” Plus 2, just because, though it would have been better if it had been the Post-it.
• Is Georgina wearing a Wiccan neckpiece? Plus 2.
Plus 2 for the slow dissolution of Dan and Georgina’s relationship, beginning with Dan’s awkward conversation with Georgina in which he explains that just because they’re diddling each other on the regular doesn’t mean they’re an “us” — it just means they’re just “hanging out.” Plus 3 for Georgina then pretending to be totally cool with this arrangement out of sheer desperation. “Sure,” she says, “no strings.” (Have we been there, ladies?) And plus 4 for Dan pretty much falling for it because he doesn’t know better yet, poor guy. And plus 5 for Georgina revealing in various and increasingly dramatic ways that she is a roiling psychopath, including:
1. This line: “I knew she’d have a problem with us. But I think Vanessa’s going to be supportive, and Serena, and Jenny, and your dad.”
2. The fact that she kisses him like a dementor from Harry Potter.
3. The fact that she has a picture of herself with Dan on the first night they hooked up as her screen saver.
4. The insane look she gives said computer when Dan asks her to come with him to Sotheby’s.
Really, we’d predict that she would have chained him to a bed and broken both of his legs, like in Misery, in the next episode, if not for the happy intervention of the Scott Drama, which will now enable her to do something even more crazy. We can’t wait.
• “Finally, something exclusive to strive for,” Blair chirps when she gets the invitation to the La Table Elitaire. “Something worthy of all my pent-up energy and ATTENTION.” Plus 1. “My prayers have been answered,” she says later. “A secret collegiate society wants me!” Plus 1.
• Georgina, on almost walking in on Chuck and Blair going at it: “Judging by the size of the sock on the doorknob, I didn’t want to knock.” Plus 75.
• Blair stole Chuck’s shoes. Nice. We’ve pulled that move, but usually it was to foil someone who is drunk into following us out of the dorm. Plus 2.
• Georgina is really great at Internet stalking. Plus only 1 because surely she has even more advanced means at her disposal. See above, re: Wicca and Harry Potter.
• When Serena showed up at the Sotheby’s auction in a rust-colored skintight bandage dress that divides her cleavage into fourths (eighths?), her hair teased so high that Bon Jovi could see it from Jersey, we had to wonder: Would she really come dressed like that to an adult event? Yes, we said to ourselves. Yes, she would. Plus 3, and plus another 1 for the return of the cleavage rhombus!
• We wonder if a side effect of Jesus Camp is that anytime you put on a skanky dress you look like a tranny, not a tramp? No points, just asking.
• Okay, let’s talk about Sotheby’s. Yes, that’s the building’s exterior and interior (they filmed it back in August). Plus 3. And, yes, that’s vice-president David Redden serving as auctioneer. Plus 3. And, yes, that’s even Tony the doorman. Plus 3. But pretty much everything else is ridiculous. See below for more.
• After the Sotheby’s auction, Rufus suggests everyone hop in the limo and go downtown to Morandi. Plus 2 because it would take us only a couple of weeks to get over our issues about spending our billionaire spouse’s money, too.
Plus 1 for “What warrant?” “Well, you might want to take a DNA sample down to the 24th Precinct tomorrow.” Nice. Plus 1.
Plus 5 for Chuck speaking for the viewers: “Finally, what happened in Santorini ... ” But minus 4 for it being kind of a dull story about Carter stealing a boat, which only reinforced what we already learned in the last episode, which is that Carter was bad but now he is reformed and, furthermore, loves Serena with such a deep and pure intensity that it has caused him to go way, way outside the normal twentysomething realm of stuff nice guys do to show they care, traveling internationally in search of her estranged father when he could have just, you know, handwritten her a card or something.
• Rufus and the crêpes. Arrrggghh! Plus 1.
• At first when Scott’s mom showed up at the auction, we were all As if. Really? We’re supposed to believe she drove all the way down from Boston? And how did she know he was at Sotheby’s? Did she implant him with GPS? Tsk-tsk typety type. But then she spouted off this amazing piece of exposition: “I got right in the car and drove down from Boston. I knew where Lily lived, and the doorman told me you were here.” Plus 2 for effort.

Faker Than Georgina Having Any Edition of Our Bodies, Ourselves. She Has Sex With Jesus and Eats Baby Girls for Breakfast; She Knows Plenty About Female Sexuality, Thank You:
• Vanessa goes straight to investigating Scott at the first hint of weirdness. (Well, other than his scary looks, statements, hair, and clothes.) Minus 4 because she would delude herself for longer.
• We’re not sure we buy all Blair’s boy shorts all of a sudden. Minus 1 because, sure, it’s still late summer, but in the bedroom we know she goes for lace teddies. Also, even for a “sex renaissance,” the Blair we’ve come to know would be too anal to skip a class so early on. Especially French history. Minus 2.
• Like we said, Dan/Penn is desperate for people to look at his body. No way would he try to cover up once getting busted. Minus 2.
• Why does Rufus feel the need to adopt every kid around him? Vanessa is not “a part of the family” — she has parents. We know because the producers cast at least one of them this summer. And then Scott: Why the guitar lessons and those gazes, the ones that say, “I would furrow my brow, but I can’t because of the Juvederm”? Even Jenny thinks it’s weird. Minus 2.
• “I have an MBA from Tuck, I’m not the coat-check girl.” Oh, yeah? Your “work attire” tells us differently. Minus 3.
• Okay, let’s talk about Sean MacPherson. Yes, that’s him. And, yes, he is a hip hotel owner, designer, and club impresario. But the reality ends about there: He doesn’t have the lease on the Empire Hotel rooftop. Minus 2. He doesn’t have a club on 63rd Street. Minus 2. And while the “Tuck” assistant may have made up the thing about his “sense of history,” we’re not sure the pictures on his wall would be of Donovan Leitch (his most recent picture on the Patrick McMullan archive) and Glenn O’Brien (from not long before that). Especially since the O’Brien photo was from a pre-opening party at the Standard, a hotel that isn’t even his. Minus 4. Also, who says “Nice photo” about a photo of themselves? Minus 1.
• Okay, since we’re there, about these Patrick McMullan images. To be sure, they are often lovely, and you’ll definitely see the vintage ones at charity auctions. (Intel Chris has one of Andy Warhol and Keith Haring, in fact!) But they are not one of a kind, they are not worth nearly $8,000, and they would not be sold at Sotheby’s. In fact, most of the recent ones you can just order from the website. Minus 8.
• Also, really, why was everyone at the Sotheby’s auction? If Rufus wanted “everyone to be together,” as Dan said, why were Eric and Jenny not there? This whole scenario is absurd. Minus 4. Also, unless Bono was sponsoring the event, there wouldn’t be paparazzi outside of an evening sale. Minus 5.
• We know Nate was never really an academic, but surely there’s, like, a mandatory Freshman Health Seminar he has to attend at some point, or Rocks for Jocks, or something. Minus 3.
• Nate and Bree are talking about one day risking “actually going out together” and “being seen by other people” as they are WALKING DOWN THE STREET UPTOWN. Minus 6.
• Scott: “It’s been twenty years; what’s a day or two more?” Anyone who has ever said anything aloud like this must immediately know they’re in a TV drama. Minus 3.
• Chuck: “Look, our relationship should be more important than business deals or secret societies.” HA, that’s the whole fun about their relationship!! And they know it, too. Minus 3.
• Okay, Chuck’s huge purple tie is too much. We get the whole huge tie, widespread collar metaphor, but please. Don’t sacrifice style for sex. Minus 2.
• Even Blair wouldn’t let such nice furniture be tainted by dorm-room air. Minus 2. The combination of ambient marijuana and Popov alone would strip the finish off that antique boudoir.
• Vanessa wouldn’t have a huge turquoise cocktail ring unless it was actually handcrafted by the Navajo. Minus 1.
• We don’t understand why, from the start, Chuck didn’t try to build this club on his own. He’s a billionaire. Minus 3. And it’s not a huge risk to buy the Empire Hotel. He’s a billionaire. Plus, it’s not like he’d be putting everything on the line to buy it. He would only be putting in a certain amount of equity, and the rest would be debt. Minus 4.
Minus 2 for the fact that Serena confronted Georgina about the fake La Table Elitaire invitation, then lamely disengaged with her instead of taking her down like she deserved. At least she should have told Blair, who would have concocted a fabulous revenge scheme in which she was, we don’t know, lured to Central Park and then spirited away by Dorota’s Eastern European boyfriend and the entire cast of Cirque du Soleil.
• When Scott, with his glossy hair and high cheekbones, took the hand of the plain-Jane lady from Boston and told the beautiful TV people before him that she was his mother and he was not actually Rufus and Lily’s son but the brother of Rufus and Lily’s son, and they believed him, we actually laughed out loud. It was like a gazelle telling a bunch of gazelles, “No really, I was born to this family of beavers.” And they were like, “Okay, cool. We totally believe that.” Minus 3.

Total: 70 Fake points, 139 Reality points

Georgina’s giant sock joke overcame the absurd Sotheby’s scenario, the lameness of Scott’s lie, and the many impossible outfits of this episode, putting the episode on the reality side. But please, we need more drama, less love and forgiveness. The inner psychos of Scott and Georgina need to be released! And from the looks of it, next episode they will be. As always, put your own tallies in the comments, and we’ll round them up on Friday.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Sexy Sunday V

I could actually do without her and her side boob.
But his face is hot. And his jawbone.
It slays me.

Monday, September 21, 2009

The Scale of Attraction

Aight.. SO...we all know what this is. And a lot of you need a lot of help in reading this and applying it to your everyday life. Don't fret, my pets. I'm only here to help.

Lets begin.

Here you have your standard scale, with your standard X & Y axis. On your X -axis we have Physical Attractiveness and on your Y-axis we have Mental Attractiveness. I think this is bloody brilliant and oh so accurate.

Pretty simple, yea? Lets start at the bottom, the Zone of Pain. You are neither cute nor intelligent. Your face just really isn't a good look AND you’re dumb as dirt. I’m sorry, I’m just telling it like it is. I don’t know how to sugarcoat that lol.

As we go along the axes we come along to Friend and F-Buddy. This is where a lot of people are the majority of their young lives, give or take. Let's examine the F-BUDDY first. Hey Slut. You, yes you, this is your category. And many of you are content being here. You may be pretty hot, pretty much a 4-10 looks wise and that works for you, to a point. You get a good amount of sex and attention from the opposite (or same if that’s what you’re into) sex. What you don't get are lasting relationships or someone liking you for you. Know why? Cause the YOU sucks. You're either not too bright or smart or people just can't stand your personality. This is for all the Megan Foxes out there, some aren’t attracted to her, but 9 out of 10 guys would bang her sideways. But she’s got one hell of an annoying personality and she ain’t too bright. So what do you do with a hottie you can't stand to talk to? I can think of a few things...and none of them requires them opening their mouth...well...i take that back…

THE FRIEND. Fellas you complain about this the most, but girls have this problem too.
She just doesn't see you that way but loves to hang out.

She thinks your a great guy, but not her type.

You're really nice and sweet, but she doesnt want to ruin your friendship.

This is because you're a great friend and your personality is amazing and dependable, but looks wise they're just not going there with you. The stuff wet dreams and dirty fantasies are made of, you are not. But you're perfect for a low key trip to the movies or out to the mall. Who is is gonna help them look their best for that hot date they have later? Clark Kent is the perfect example for this. Sweet as all get out, adorable, super reliable…but is Lois giving him any play?


If you can make it past the Friend and F-Buddy zone, you really have something there, once you get past that awkward boundaries stage.
Should I call?

They looked at me different today.

Do you think he/she like likes me or just likes me?
Proceed with Caution. A lot of people don’t make it out of the awkward zone, you may have to just stick to what you’re good at and go back to ho’in or being that great friend.

But sometimes, you make it. Are you watching closely? I'm going to tell you how. Look at the far ends of the scale near the arrows. At the ends of each Friend and F-Buddy you see the Relationship Temptation Zones, this means that you're THAT FINE OR THAT AMAZING so much, that you made them forget they don't really like that other side of you. This may or may not be a good thing. This is how a lot of Ho's get turned into housewives. People taking that chance just cause they're so attracted. Or how a lot of people get caught up into loveless marriages. They love the person, but are not IN love with them.

As you come closer towards the center of the scale you see the Dating Zone. Congratulations!! This means you have above acceptable attractiveness mentally and physically. You're bringing a lot to the table and trust me they're hungry for what your servin'. You have a perfect blend of physically and mental attractiveness and you’re definitely marriage potential and null set. See this pink highlighted area? This Ladies and Gentleman, is where you want to be.Not there yet? Keep trying. You can only improve...unless you can't....


Sunday, September 20, 2009

Sexy Sunday IV

I uploaded this picture to this forum I used to talk on a lot and they removed it for inappropriateness! How rude! I didn't think it was inappropriate...just kinda hot lol I mean he's ONLY makin' out with her thigh...

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Kanye West Totally Disrespects Taylor Swift

"Taylor, I'm really happy for you. I'll let you finish," Kanye told an obviously stunned Taylor. "But Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time ... one of the best videos of all time!"

I mean damn Kanye. She's what? 16. Let her win her award. I'm personally not a fan and think the millions of tweeny boppers got her there, but so be it. I respect the work she does and she's not bad for her age. Don't act like an ass and belittle her award while its being given to her.

You shoulda saw her face too, she was so shocked and hurt. Kanye, your rep is going down bigtime.

Beyonce tried to fix it though. In a great display of grace and class, she allowed Taylor a chance to speak after Beyonce accepted her Video of the year award.

Kanye West Apologizes to Taylor Swift via Twitter

Sexy Sunday III

Cute and funny. I think we all get it.
Need I say more?

Saturday, September 12, 2009

New Twilight New Moon Trailer!!


And Twilight is not even my favorite book series.
But I am a fan of that Jacob. Mm Mm Mm.
See I'd Totally Go To Jail for Taylor Lautner.

But yall. This trailer is off the chain. The boys look hot, the action is packed, and Kristen looks healthier like she went to rehab for the drugs for a quick minute. Acting is still sub par though.
And hey Dakota Fanning! My sister was like, "I wonder how Kristen felt being in a movie with Dakota Fanning?" I said, "Honored".

It actually got me excited about seeing the movie all over again. LOOK AT IT. And my man Jacob of course. He can swing into my bedroom anytime.
When does he turn 18??
I was like *looks all seductive and blushing*"Heyyyyy wolf pack..."

I'm pretty sure I'll be one of the first ones to have the movie file once its released online, so subscribe of follow if you're interested in that in the future.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Bang, Boot, or Marry Vol. I

So, my sister and I were reading the new Cosmo last night and we saw this lil article they had called Shag, Shun or Marry and we had a such a great time picking and choosing, I decided I'd make it a weekly series on my blog. I never use the word shag tho, I'm more of a bang girl. Like, "I'd totally bang the crap outta him,". lol So welcome to Bang, Boot, or Marry!

This first edition of Bang, Boot, or Marry we'll be using a trio from last night. It was the one we had the hardest time deciding between.

Will Smith, Shia LeBeouf, and Barack Obama.

It was SO hard because my sister has been in LOVE with Shia for a good 5 years now lol. For me, I didn't wanna give him the boot cuz he's so adorable but have you SEEN Will's body the past few years? Good lord *Fans self* And Barack cuz he's the PRESIDENT. I love how we actually have a president even worthy of being on a list like that haha.

My sister and I were both in agreement with our selections.

Will: Bang
Shia: Boot
Barack: Marry

SO tell me one and all, who would you Bang, Boot, or Marry? And your reasons why!

Monday, September 7, 2009

All About You, By Me

I've named my business, do you like it? One of my besties, Sharly came up with it. She always knows me so well and what I need.

This weekend I did a few banners. The first is for Kendal, from Just A Girl... She is making a new blog journaling her experience moving to Atlanta!

The Next one is for Ke'Anna, from The Ke' To Your Heart. This is her first custom banner as she's new to blogging. Check her out. She is a newlywed army wife and she's making the switch to all organic foods and beauty products.

Lastly, I created a new business card for my sister, Caitlyn Renee, of Caiti Sings. She's a talented working actress and singer and she's staring in the play The Trials and Tribulations of a Trailer Trash Housewife here in Atlanta. She had a lot going on on her last business card and she wanted something simple and polished.

Thanks for all the love I've gotten so far in my new business. Don't be shy, I love doing these so email me with your requests. If you'd like to show your support for me, I'd appreciate it and you can post these on your blog in an html widget. Also, which design do you like better?


Tuesday, September 1, 2009

"I'm Chuck Bass"

Chuck Bass is definitely one of the two reasons as to why I watch Gossip Girl, the other is Blair. I've been a fan of the books since grade school, and was annoyed when they made it into a show. Tho they have major differences, I really love the tv series. Chuck and Blair are my favorite characters, their lines and quotes are ALWAYS on point and they have the cutest most dysfunctional relationship lol. Plus they're damn attractive. That Chuck Bass seductive tone always gets to me lol And theres noone better for either of them, than each other.

Which is why I'm aggrivated some skankugly blonde is rolling up in here. Tempting him with her hookerness. C'mon mannn, he's Chuck Bass! You throw the goods at him long enough, he's gonna take em. He won't love you though, thats just for Blair ;)

There are rumors of a GAY kiss between Chuck and some guy later this season. Well it has been confirmed, and I have to say I'm interested in seeing it. It could be gross, but it could be hot..depending on the other guy lol. We'll see what happens! I'm excited for the season premiere which is MY BIRTHDAY, September 14th! Don't miss it, loves.

You know you love me,