Tuesday, December 29, 2009

X-Rayed Insight

So uh. Leave it to the gays to make an x-ray rendering of this. Fake or not, that looks mad uncomfortable lol.

Monday, December 28, 2009

She Shoulda Been More Careful

Omg I saw this today over at What The Hellz and I just DIED!! LOVE IT. So often these skanky lil chicks go on foolin' the world. If you're gonna be a ho, be a ho. Be upfront about it. Keeping a record of your To-Fuck-List is just begging to get caught. It was pretty foul of her brother to call her out, but damn.
Karma is indeed a bitch.

I used to date a Brett. He sure as shit wasn't God.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Sexy Sunday XIV

This used to be the sexiest thing allowed on tv. It was pretty b.a. for its time. Look at that booty.
Your grandpa was lovin' it.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Don't Be A Mistleho!

Tis the season so I'll leave you with a quicky! Don't be a mistleho yall. It's not a good look and its totally desperate! Have a good holiday!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Got Time For A Threesome?

I love D&G ads. They're always so out there and sexual and their like little glimpses of people's secret kinky sex acts. But their new commercial has been catching some flack. The new D&G Time commercial starts off simple enough. A man and a woman getting it on, classic D&G. But alas, what is this? Did someone say menage a trois? I personally love it, but I've only seen it once on tv before they started replacing it with a much milder and less populated version. In case you're one of the unlucky ones who missed it, here it is in all its splendor.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Sexy Sunday XIII

As I was discussing with some of my girls over Twitter today, the hottest Lindsay has ever looked was when she was in Mean Girls. I'm just not diggin her all emaciated and blonde, but I do love these photos. Cause since when is an nudity, disco balls, and an orgy in a hotel room not sexy?

So Fetch.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Talent Schmalent.

There are tons of worthless quasi-celebs out there. No real talent or purpose other than for our entertainment. And I'm okay with that. If we didn't have them, I wouldn't be able to make fun of their sex tapes, fake marriages, and general staged photo -ops.

But on the list of Celebs who "Are Famous for Jack Shit", Nicole Richie is by far my favorite. I'm not gonna front like I didn't have this hair cut. Where those pics are, I'll never know but it was bomb. And don't act like y'all didn't watch the simple life.

Let's see, simple life came on when I was like in 10th grade. I was like here is this light skinned chick, just like me. A mouth on her, just like me, and tons of cash, unlike me. Bitchin. You're my new best friend, call me every five minutes.

I almost wanted to go blonde for a minute. Almost. I've considered it a few times, but I dunno if I'm pale enough to pull that shit off. And for that kudos again, Nicole. Plus she totally lost it when she went off the drugs. Any bitch who flashes on the runway is alright with me.

Loves it.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

It's The Joisey Shore, Kid!

Like everyone else I'm sure, I've been caught up in the rapture of Jersey Shore on MTV. If you don't know you better ask somebody. Its like...having a canker sore in your mouth. A gross disgusting canker sore, that you know you shouldn't touch. But somehow you just keep putting your tongue on it. That's what the Jersey Shore is like. These people are so out the box, you can't help but watch it. And I LOVE it! Its everything I ever expected it to be. Fake tans? Check. Implants? Check. Too much hair product? Check.

And you can't tell em nuttin. Their in their own little world. The Guidettes want a BIG DADDY Guido Stud and all the Guidos want is a Guidette Princess of their own. Then they can make lil Guid-babies so the cycle can continue. Except sometimes it don't work like that.

Whoa. Check out that Situation.

But violence aside, why WOULDN'T you want to be a guidette? You don't have to touch up your roots after you die your hair from black to blonde, you drive an S Class Mercedes, and your daddy gets you the nose job and fake tits of your dreams.

Let my honorary Guidette's show you how its done.

First you have to look the part, hon. You can't be a fabulous Guidette without the basics.

1. FAKE N BAKE BABYYYYYYY- If you're not 4x darker than your original skintone, you're doing it wrong
2. ITS ALL ABOUT THE "BRONZ-AH". Take Bronzah.Apply to apples of cheek heavily. Apply all over. You betta be glowin.
3. COLORED CONTACTS - Only trill bitches can rock a blue/green eye.
4. THA POOF! Use your Bump-It. Hollywood style.
5. LEMME SEE YOUR SPIDER BABIES - Dark liner and 5 coats of Mascara.
6. PUCKER UP - SOOOO Important. Concealer. Apply on lips. Layer with "Glawwss".

You're nothing without the right accessories, you hear me? NOTHING.

Juicy Couture, A|X, Blinging Cell Phones, Killa Shades, Ed Hardy, Benny Benassi,UGGS with Skirts, Body Glitter and Ho Heels.


If you're not making out with your girlfriends, what kinda friend are you? Its like against the rules of feminism. Pucker up and give that broad a wet one. There's only benefits, you don't even have to reapply your lipstick. WIN.

Don't Miss The Islands

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Sexy Sunday XII

That's some powerful underwear.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2009-2010

I LOVE the Victoria's Secret Fashion Shows. They're my favorite shows of the year and I always tape them. You learn some things when slaving at Vickie's. Including being able to tell a woman's boob size with a glance. The Black Eyed Peas performed and it was okay, but the headlining outfits did not disappoint. And without further ado....