Tuesday, December 15, 2009

It's The Joisey Shore, Kid!

Like everyone else I'm sure, I've been caught up in the rapture of Jersey Shore on MTV. If you don't know you better ask somebody. Its like...having a canker sore in your mouth. A gross disgusting canker sore, that you know you shouldn't touch. But somehow you just keep putting your tongue on it. That's what the Jersey Shore is like. These people are so out the box, you can't help but watch it. And I LOVE it! Its everything I ever expected it to be. Fake tans? Check. Implants? Check. Too much hair product? Check.

And you can't tell em nuttin. Their in their own little world. The Guidettes want a BIG DADDY Guido Stud and all the Guidos want is a Guidette Princess of their own. Then they can make lil Guid-babies so the cycle can continue. Except sometimes it don't work like that.

Whoa. Check out that Situation.

But violence aside, why WOULDN'T you want to be a guidette? You don't have to touch up your roots after you die your hair from black to blonde, you drive an S Class Mercedes, and your daddy gets you the nose job and fake tits of your dreams.

Let my honorary Guidette's show you how its done.

First you have to look the part, hon. You can't be a fabulous Guidette without the basics.

1. FAKE N BAKE BABYYYYYYY- If you're not 4x darker than your original skintone, you're doing it wrong
2. ITS ALL ABOUT THE "BRONZ-AH". Take Bronzah.Apply to apples of cheek heavily. Apply all over. You betta be glowin.
3. COLORED CONTACTS - Only trill bitches can rock a blue/green eye.
4. THA POOF! Use your Bump-It. Hollywood style.
5. LEMME SEE YOUR SPIDER BABIES - Dark liner and 5 coats of Mascara.
6. PUCKER UP - SOOOO Important. Concealer. Apply on lips. Layer with "Glawwss".

You're nothing without the right accessories, you hear me? NOTHING.

Juicy Couture, A|X, Blinging Cell Phones, Killa Shades, Ed Hardy, Benny Benassi,UGGS with Skirts, Body Glitter and Ho Heels.


If you're not making out with your girlfriends, what kinda friend are you? Its like against the rules of feminism. Pucker up and give that broad a wet one. There's only benefits, you don't even have to reapply your lipstick. WIN.

Don't Miss The Islands

7 tastes:

Jo-Ezzy said...

AAAAAHHAHAH I love it guidettes remind me of Japanese gyarus makeup hahah halarious! i love that show takes me out of my element how nuts those douches are.

BTW thank you for saying my dog is cute. His name is rocco :)

Jo-Ezzy said...

Rocco is called a teddy bear Pomaranian he was was a stray when he was about 3 month :(

TheDailey said...

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO @ that punch!!!!! girl im sitting in the library snickering sooo loud hahahaaa.
the girl that got punched, i hate her face, she is so unattractive, im sorry i had to be mean and say it that way but its true lol.

i'm all for kissing ladies.. but their kiss sucked lol

Vanessa M. said...

lmao!!! omg this was GREAT! love it!!

MissVonDurce said...

yessss, edhardy trucker hats, uggs, highlighted hair, fake tans, & bad english is what it is!! lmao nice one mama. On the news, that guy that punched the fat girl got arrested, thanks to mtv

yours truly said...

LMFAO! I swear I love this. Again, why school seems more attractive than MTV these days. Good God.

LEO said...